Okay all you family/friends trying to help us smokers quit--here's what you CAN do that will help more than anything. PAY ATTENTION NON-SMOKERS (especially if you have never smoked before as a habit!):
1. Be positive in ALL you say to your loved one that is trying to quit. Nagging not only does NOT help, it makes us dig our feet in and then we smoke more--not to get back at you, but because it FEELS like you have no faith in us. Be positive or leave us alone.
2. AVOID those *%&@# questions we already know the answer to, like:
"Are you sure you need another one?" (answer WILL be, "I do NOW")
"I thought you were going to quit?" (I AM trying, hello!!!)
"When's your quit date again?" (you already know, you're hounding me, knock it off!--that is our internal reaction to questions like that, even if we don't say it out loud)
"You said you were only going to have __ today..."
"How many is that now?"
THESE THINGS ARE NOT HELPFUL AND ONLY SERVES TO SHOVE MORE GUILT AT US EVEN THOUGH YOU MAY NOT MEAN IT TO.
3. DO give feedback like the following:
"Wow, you've cut down so much, I'm so proud/happy for you!"
"You're doing a great job--keep it up, I'm behind you all the way!"
"You have really been trying and I see that--way to go."
"Right on (baby, honey, dude, chica, etc., whatever), that is so awesome! Keep it up!"
You want us to be successful right? THEN ACT LIKE YOU DO!! I say it again, don't nag as in #2 above, BE OUR POSITIVE, FAITHFUL SUPPORTERS!!!!
4. IF at first we don't succeed, ENCOURAGE us to try, try again. The above #3 shows us you have FAITH, NOT FEAR, for us. If you act like you're afraid we will fail, chances are one of two things will happen: either (A) we will stop listening and talking with you or (B) we will give up our efforts. Try saying, "I know you can do this--can I help you find a way to quit for good?" "You can start again tomorrow, and I'll help you any way I can--I know you can quit for good!" Again, be POSITIVE. Acting like you're afraid we'll fail INSTEAD of acting like you believe in us hurts! And it hurts worse the closer you are to us. Love us and have faith in us. We may fail the first few times we really try, but please try to understand, we really DO want to quit!
5. Don't try to keep temptation at bay or make "helpful suggestions". Offer us distractions when we go to smoke, like, say, ask us a question not related to smoking to distract us. "Hey, _____ called today--did you get a chance to talk to them?" or "Hey, can you help me with this ____? I really need to get it done." (No heavy labor here--we're cranky enough as it is; just something to do that might be fun for both of us). Then engage us in conversation --use of our mouths and hands at the same time gives us something other than holding and smoking a cigarette to do. That helps a lot when we're stressed.
Finally, #6: Panic attacks are common with the withdrawal from nicotine and those other chemicals in cigarettes. PLEASE be patient with us, help us to "deethe breeply" as my good mother says (which makes us laugh it off much faster), rather than "breathe deeply" and YOU relax. DO NOT PANIC YOURSELVES! Remember, YOU are NOT the one freaking out, so don't freak out on us! The panic is enough for us to deal with. We WILL get past it, just please be patient and let us get past it. We'll be okay, really, just wait it out like we have to. Smile. Remind us to breathe. With a smile. Do you hear? SMILE!!!
This was not meant to be a lecture and I apologize if it came out that way, but I wish only to be helpful to those who are concerned, who love us, and WANT us to succeed. Many times you may think you are helping and feel insecure about HOW to do that. But I PROMISE you, all of the above WILL help us...and we will love you absolutely for it! Cheers!
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