I've been meaning to put this online, but haven't yet. Some of these are just me "spewing" out stuff, but they mean a lot to me. Let's see how many smokers relate? I have real poems, but this is just one of the better letters I'm writing to cigarettes. A poem will also follow this letter.
How do I live without this neediness?
Can I write 'you' away, pray you gone?
How do I not freak out when I see
I've only got a few or just one left in the pack?
Want to banish the panicky urge to go get more so you are always there!
With nobody and nothing to lean on as a lost teenager,
'You' provided a weird sort of comfort, security...
That I could seem "cool", "independent"...a grown up
At long last...or so I thought. So you made it seem to me.
All those "cool" and "popluar" kids smoked back then...and I fell for the lie
Got me "in" to places in life just like booze did--places no one should go.
I see now it was inevitable that I learned how to smoke.
My grandma did it, some of my favorite people as well...and some still do.
Even as internally, mentally--as strong as I have become over the years--
This is the hardest battle of all, in all of my life.
BURNING SMOKE
I've had my fingers burned, clothes, so many times,
Cash going up in chemical smoke--
I've hurt my children for this so many times,
S'no wonder I'm always broke!!!
No matter where, or brand, or type of "stick"
"Virginia", or "Joe Cool", or that horse and "Man"
"You're nothing without these, for sure man!"
I must not have come "a long way baby"
Or felt relaxed, or cool, or clever enough
Cause it went from 5...to 10...to 30...to LIFE!
Sucked out of me, one long or short "stick" at a time...after time...after TIME!
But now my lungs, hair, face, all say I'm running out of time fast.
So I think I've found a solution to this slow death at long last.
(And I CAN do it till it's done this last time maybe!)
No more lies, rationales, vague illnesses
My son told himself AND me "no more excuses!"
I'm moving on slowly and am thrilled to do so--getting one more life back!
One more human back maybe...from a living death.
Have a great day. Cheers.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Tips for anyone who wants to help someone they love with quitting.
Okay all you family/friends trying to help us smokers quit--here's what you CAN do that will help more than anything. PAY ATTENTION NON-SMOKERS (especially if you have never smoked before as a habit!):
1. Be positive in ALL you say to your loved one that is trying to quit. Nagging not only does NOT help, it makes us dig our feet in and then we smoke more--not to get back at you, but because it FEELS like you have no faith in us. Be positive or leave us alone.
2. AVOID those *%&@# questions we already know the answer to, like:
"Are you sure you need another one?" (answer WILL be, "I do NOW")
"I thought you were going to quit?" (I AM trying, hello!!!)
"When's your quit date again?" (you already know, you're hounding me, knock it off!--that is our internal reaction to questions like that, even if we don't say it out loud)
"You said you were only going to have __ today..."
"How many is that now?"
THESE THINGS ARE NOT HELPFUL AND ONLY SERVES TO SHOVE MORE GUILT AT US EVEN THOUGH YOU MAY NOT MEAN IT TO.
3. DO give feedback like the following:
"Wow, you've cut down so much, I'm so proud/happy for you!"
"You're doing a great job--keep it up, I'm behind you all the way!"
"You have really been trying and I see that--way to go."
"Right on (baby, honey, dude, chica, etc., whatever), that is so awesome! Keep it up!"
You want us to be successful right? THEN ACT LIKE YOU DO!! I say it again, don't nag as in #2 above, BE OUR POSITIVE, FAITHFUL SUPPORTERS!!!!
4. IF at first we don't succeed, ENCOURAGE us to try, try again. The above #3 shows us you have FAITH, NOT FEAR, for us. If you act like you're afraid we will fail, chances are one of two things will happen: either (A) we will stop listening and talking with you or (B) we will give up our efforts. Try saying, "I know you can do this--can I help you find a way to quit for good?" "You can start again tomorrow, and I'll help you any way I can--I know you can quit for good!" Again, be POSITIVE. Acting like you're afraid we'll fail INSTEAD of acting like you believe in us hurts! And it hurts worse the closer you are to us. Love us and have faith in us. We may fail the first few times we really try, but please try to understand, we really DO want to quit!
5. Don't try to keep temptation at bay or make "helpful suggestions". Offer us distractions when we go to smoke, like, say, ask us a question not related to smoking to distract us. "Hey, _____ called today--did you get a chance to talk to them?" or "Hey, can you help me with this ____? I really need to get it done." (No heavy labor here--we're cranky enough as it is; just something to do that might be fun for both of us). Then engage us in conversation --use of our mouths and hands at the same time gives us something other than holding and smoking a cigarette to do. That helps a lot when we're stressed.
Finally, #6: Panic attacks are common with the withdrawal from nicotine and those other chemicals in cigarettes. PLEASE be patient with us, help us to "deethe breeply" as my good mother says (which makes us laugh it off much faster), rather than "breathe deeply" and YOU relax. DO NOT PANIC YOURSELVES! Remember, YOU are NOT the one freaking out, so don't freak out on us! The panic is enough for us to deal with. We WILL get past it, just please be patient and let us get past it. We'll be okay, really, just wait it out like we have to. Smile. Remind us to breathe. With a smile. Do you hear? SMILE!!!
This was not meant to be a lecture and I apologize if it came out that way, but I wish only to be helpful to those who are concerned, who love us, and WANT us to succeed. Many times you may think you are helping and feel insecure about HOW to do that. But I PROMISE you, all of the above WILL help us...and we will love you absolutely for it! Cheers!
1. Be positive in ALL you say to your loved one that is trying to quit. Nagging not only does NOT help, it makes us dig our feet in and then we smoke more--not to get back at you, but because it FEELS like you have no faith in us. Be positive or leave us alone.
2. AVOID those *%&@# questions we already know the answer to, like:
"Are you sure you need another one?" (answer WILL be, "I do NOW")
"I thought you were going to quit?" (I AM trying, hello!!!)
"When's your quit date again?" (you already know, you're hounding me, knock it off!--that is our internal reaction to questions like that, even if we don't say it out loud)
"You said you were only going to have __ today..."
"How many is that now?"
THESE THINGS ARE NOT HELPFUL AND ONLY SERVES TO SHOVE MORE GUILT AT US EVEN THOUGH YOU MAY NOT MEAN IT TO.
3. DO give feedback like the following:
"Wow, you've cut down so much, I'm so proud/happy for you!"
"You're doing a great job--keep it up, I'm behind you all the way!"
"You have really been trying and I see that--way to go."
"Right on (baby, honey, dude, chica, etc., whatever), that is so awesome! Keep it up!"
You want us to be successful right? THEN ACT LIKE YOU DO!! I say it again, don't nag as in #2 above, BE OUR POSITIVE, FAITHFUL SUPPORTERS!!!!
4. IF at first we don't succeed, ENCOURAGE us to try, try again. The above #3 shows us you have FAITH, NOT FEAR, for us. If you act like you're afraid we will fail, chances are one of two things will happen: either (A) we will stop listening and talking with you or (B) we will give up our efforts. Try saying, "I know you can do this--can I help you find a way to quit for good?" "You can start again tomorrow, and I'll help you any way I can--I know you can quit for good!" Again, be POSITIVE. Acting like you're afraid we'll fail INSTEAD of acting like you believe in us hurts! And it hurts worse the closer you are to us. Love us and have faith in us. We may fail the first few times we really try, but please try to understand, we really DO want to quit!
5. Don't try to keep temptation at bay or make "helpful suggestions". Offer us distractions when we go to smoke, like, say, ask us a question not related to smoking to distract us. "Hey, _____ called today--did you get a chance to talk to them?" or "Hey, can you help me with this ____? I really need to get it done." (No heavy labor here--we're cranky enough as it is; just something to do that might be fun for both of us). Then engage us in conversation --use of our mouths and hands at the same time gives us something other than holding and smoking a cigarette to do. That helps a lot when we're stressed.
Finally, #6: Panic attacks are common with the withdrawal from nicotine and those other chemicals in cigarettes. PLEASE be patient with us, help us to "deethe breeply" as my good mother says (which makes us laugh it off much faster), rather than "breathe deeply" and YOU relax. DO NOT PANIC YOURSELVES! Remember, YOU are NOT the one freaking out, so don't freak out on us! The panic is enough for us to deal with. We WILL get past it, just please be patient and let us get past it. We'll be okay, really, just wait it out like we have to. Smile. Remind us to breathe. With a smile. Do you hear? SMILE!!!
This was not meant to be a lecture and I apologize if it came out that way, but I wish only to be helpful to those who are concerned, who love us, and WANT us to succeed. Many times you may think you are helping and feel insecure about HOW to do that. But I PROMISE you, all of the above WILL help us...and we will love you absolutely for it! Cheers!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
The Great Lies of Cigarettes
There is a great lie out there that was perpetrated by Big T's called "Joe Cool". When my friends and I were still in middle school, the great dare was, "smoke one of your parent's smokes." And, of course, if you refused, you were a wimp, coward, lame-o...pick your favorite there. And, for many of the disenfranchised, the poor, the "welfare people" the pressure was on to be "hip" or "in" so you would actually HAVE a peer group where you could belong. ALL kids want to "belong" at some point in their lives to something or belong somewhere as they begin to assert their independence from adults, guardians, whoever is raising them. The rich or well-off were always just assumed to have a peer group, the best of course, which is also a great lie. But the pressures put upon them, while similar, were still different and in some ways more demoralizing.
This desire for independence from adults has begun earlier and earlier as the generations flow one to the next. And as one of the disenfranchised, raised in a home with "issues" of alcoholism, addiction, and co-dependency, not to mention being shorter than average (and an easy target for bullies), peer pressure got to me when I was still very young. I was still in elementary school when a girlfriend tried to get me to smoke the first time. Believe it, 5th and 6th grades are still a hotbed for pressure and especially bullies. And I grew up with the old ad, "you've come a long way, baby" (I just gave away my age, didn't I, lol!), and seeing this apparently strong cowboy on a horse on a billboard...I just never really got that his lasso would be a noose for so many people.
I did watch some of those hearings with the Big Tobacco companies, and I'd sort of heard about Dr. Jeffrey Weigand who "blew the whistle" on them--but I didn't really pay attention. By the time this was going on, I had a helluva life going, partying, running around, working at minimum wage...and smoking with the pals after work, at the beach, at the party, on the road...it was what we did, dontcha know? It was cool! You looked "grown up" with that stick in your hand! It was no big deal, we could quit but why when it was no big deal to be a smoker? You could smoke in so many places...and on and on. But I saw an interview with the good doctor just the other night, and I became outraged when I discovered THEY KNEW! Those bigwigs KNEW for decades--not just a few years--before I was even BORN, that these things were addictive and could kill you. KILL ME! And they also admitted they marketed to kids like me and my friends. They did it for the money, pure-ass greed. Outrage doesn't really come close to what I felt.
So here's the bottom line: as hard as it may be, I will be a non-smoker by Halloween one way or the other. For a great resource on quitting if you want to, there's a great book out there you can get from Amazon for a low price, written back in the late '80's called "The No-Nag, No-Guilt, Do-It-Yourself Guide to Quitting Smoking" and it's been a great help in this. This blog is for me, really, and to mark my progress as I go on this journey for what seems like the umpteenth time. I did quit for six months cold-turkey (I will NEVER do that again, OMG! Besides, my doc says not to since I have a form of epilepsy and sharp withdrawals of that sort are very very bad for me) some years back and have been trying to quit again ever since. 11 times I've tried, but now I believe I CAN do it and WILL do it with the help of that book and it's very valuable tools. Give it a shot and see if it won't work for you. For now, it's time to make dinner with my son. Have a good one!
This desire for independence from adults has begun earlier and earlier as the generations flow one to the next. And as one of the disenfranchised, raised in a home with "issues" of alcoholism, addiction, and co-dependency, not to mention being shorter than average (and an easy target for bullies), peer pressure got to me when I was still very young. I was still in elementary school when a girlfriend tried to get me to smoke the first time. Believe it, 5th and 6th grades are still a hotbed for pressure and especially bullies. And I grew up with the old ad, "you've come a long way, baby" (I just gave away my age, didn't I, lol!), and seeing this apparently strong cowboy on a horse on a billboard...I just never really got that his lasso would be a noose for so many people.
I did watch some of those hearings with the Big Tobacco companies, and I'd sort of heard about Dr. Jeffrey Weigand who "blew the whistle" on them--but I didn't really pay attention. By the time this was going on, I had a helluva life going, partying, running around, working at minimum wage...and smoking with the pals after work, at the beach, at the party, on the road...it was what we did, dontcha know? It was cool! You looked "grown up" with that stick in your hand! It was no big deal, we could quit but why when it was no big deal to be a smoker? You could smoke in so many places...and on and on. But I saw an interview with the good doctor just the other night, and I became outraged when I discovered THEY KNEW! Those bigwigs KNEW for decades--not just a few years--before I was even BORN, that these things were addictive and could kill you. KILL ME! And they also admitted they marketed to kids like me and my friends. They did it for the money, pure-ass greed. Outrage doesn't really come close to what I felt.
So here's the bottom line: as hard as it may be, I will be a non-smoker by Halloween one way or the other. For a great resource on quitting if you want to, there's a great book out there you can get from Amazon for a low price, written back in the late '80's called "The No-Nag, No-Guilt, Do-It-Yourself Guide to Quitting Smoking" and it's been a great help in this. This blog is for me, really, and to mark my progress as I go on this journey for what seems like the umpteenth time. I did quit for six months cold-turkey (I will NEVER do that again, OMG! Besides, my doc says not to since I have a form of epilepsy and sharp withdrawals of that sort are very very bad for me) some years back and have been trying to quit again ever since. 11 times I've tried, but now I believe I CAN do it and WILL do it with the help of that book and it's very valuable tools. Give it a shot and see if it won't work for you. For now, it's time to make dinner with my son. Have a good one!
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